Spinach Crisis Continues Taking Toll

The great spinach crisis of 2006 is now affecting more Pennsylvanians as 79 workers were laid off at a plant in Dauphin County. The rash of e coli infections is having a tremendous impact on some people's lives, especially those dependent on Popeye to save them from bullies. The famous sailor has had his stash of spinach confiscated by the Department of Health. Without the power supply he's been relegated to lying on the beach and getting sand kicked in his face. School children all over the state are now at the mercy of playground toughs.

This is a serious situation and I'd like to know where our candidates stand on the issue. Who are they willing to draft to replace Popeye until the sailor man again gets a healthy supply of spinach?